Faramir's Birthday Present
by LongbowArcher10
Summary: Faramir and Boromir fight over the high and mighty gift from Lord Denethor. Who will win? Find out and read! It's RETARDED. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.


Faramir's Birthday Disclaimer: I don't own anything in this story 'cause they're all from the original Lord of the Ring books. I HATE DOING THIS! A/N: Yo folks! Hope ya enjoy this one. I made it especially for you! For your birthday! Hahaha. Well, I hope you like the humor, because it's dumb humor...like me. Cause when I'm funny, it's because I'm stupid, and everyone laughs at my stupidity. MWA HA HA. Faramir opened up the newspaper wrapping that contained his present.  
  
"Thanks daddy! You love me, don't you? You love me so much, that you gave me a candy wrapper for my birthday! I love you!"  
  
Boromir, seeing the birthday present, got jealous. "That should've been given to me since I'm his favorite son," Boromir said, "I say that we should fight over it, even though I'm going to win."  
  
Boromir raced towards Faramir, his fist coming close to his face.  
  
Faramir spit in Boromir's hair.  
  
Boromir pulled on Faramir's hair.  
  
Faramir bit Boromir's leg.  
  
This all went on for quite a while until Denethor stopped them.  
  
"I command you two to stop, this instance! If you're going to fight, then fight right! Get swords! Go to your rooms and get your swords and end this thing now!"  
  
Faramir and Boromir both raced up to their rooms and came down with their rubber swords. (They were only 7 and 9 then.)  
  
"It's going to be mine I tell you! Mine! There's no way I can lose! My fat blubber senses it, my brain senses it!"  
  
"If you even have one," Faramir muttered.  
  
So, the fighting began, each one blocked each other's moves, although that didn't work out quite well since they were rubber.  
  
When one tried to attack, it missed the target from waving around in the air, and the other sword would miss the opportunity to block, since the rubber sword went one way or another.  
  
Faramir knew it was worthless to even try, so he pushed aside the rubber sword and tackled himself against Boromir.  
  
Boromir landed with a SPLAT on the ground. His blubber had protected him from the fall.  
  
Faramir, knowing it was his chance, grabbed his rubber sword and started to stab Boromir.  
  
"DIE! DIE! DIE! It was given to me, I gets to keep the precious!"  
  
Boromir leaped and ran towards Denethor.  
  
They both noticed that Faramir was going into Gollum mode.  
  
"Just back away, real slow-like..." Boromir said.  
  
Denethor and Boromir tried to do that, to back away real slow-like...but then Faramir suddenly snapped out of it.  
  
"So," Faramir said, "What were we doing? Ah, yes, DIE!!!"  
  
Faramir lunged himself at Boromir once more and started to stab him again with his rubber sword.  
  
"HA! You can't kill me! HA HA HA!!!" Boromir said.  
  
Faramir supposedly stabbed Boromir again to silence him.  
  
"But you know, I think I feel a bruise coming- STOP POKING ME IN THE SAME SPOT!!!"  
  
Faramir rested his hand for a moment.  
  
Boromir used that time to lift his shirt to see that there was a blackish/purplish bruise on his fat belly. (The little dudes are kind of weak, so bear with me!)  
  
"WAAAAAAAH! DADDY! I'M GONNA DIE! IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD! FARAMIR STABBED ME! AND HE EVEN LEFT A BLUISH/BLACKISH WOUND!!!"  
  
Boromir started to cry again.  
  
Faramir snickered away in a corner and then started to mimic Boromir.  
  
"I'm going to die from a rubber sword because I'm a weakling...help!" Faramir said.  
  
Boromir wiped his tears away, "I think we should have another match, on wrestling, which is what I do best."  
  
Denethor called himself judge, and then announced the other judges.  
  
Legolas appeared at the door, who was dressed in a fluffy pink bathrobe with a sparkly pink mirror in his hand, with a bunch of fan girls who were dressed in pink that were running after him.  
  
The guards had to keep them away which made Legolas's smile turn upside down.  
  
"Why can't I have my fan girls?" He said with a pout and then started to cry.  
  
Meanwhile, they introduced their third judge, Aragorn, who came riding in high and mighty with Arwen behind him.  
  
Denethor began the wrestling match, "3....2....1...GO!"  
  
Faramir started biting Boromir's butt.  
  
Boromir punched his arm.  
  
Faramir kicked his shins.  
  
Boromir pulled his hair.  
  
Faramir pulled his hair.  
  
Boromir punched Faramir in the stomach.  
  
Faramir almost crunched his fingers.  
  
Boromir kicked Faramir in the stomach.  
  
Faramir spit in his eyes.  
  
Boromir then went to a corner of the wrestling arena and then prepared himself for a belly flop.  
  
He jumped off the ropes onto Faramir's small wee body.  
  
"GET OFF FATSO! YOU'RE CRUNCHING MY BONES! GET OFF YOU FAT CHEATER!"  
  
Boromir got off after the final counts and started to show off his blubbery fat arms.  
  
"So, how'd I do Legolas and daddy?"  
  
Denethor and Legolas looked up from their fashion magazines, "Sorry, sweetie pie, but I was busy doing my hair, what were you saying?"  
  
Boromir nodded his head, "Never mind, I'll ask Aragorn."  
  
Legolas and Denethor went back to doing their hair.  
  
"Hey, Aragorn, my man, how'd I do?"  
  
Aragorn didn't even answer; he was in a trance, looking at Arwen.  
  
"You're gorgeous," Aragorn said to Arwen.  
  
"No you're gorgeous," she said back.  
  
"I love you buttercup!" Aragorn exclaimed hugging Arwen.  
  
"Fine, I'll leave you lovebirds alone," Boromir said.  
  
"We're not finished, Boromir!" Faramir exclaimed, "You didn't win the candy wrapper yet! I haven't given up! I say, we have a horse riding contest next!"  
  
So, outside by the forest, Boromir and Faramir saddled their horses and prepared to go.  
  
Denethor again said go while trying on a new cream for his wrinkles.  
  
Faramir raced off, but Boromir, who happened to be a bit big for his age, went slumping off.  
  
Boromir's horse got so tired that it collapsed at halfway.  
  
Boromir got annoyed.  
  
"Go little horse! Go go go!"  
  
He got off the horse and kicked it.  
  
The horse, noticing the fat heavy weight had gone off, dashed towards the finishing line.  
  
Boromir tried to run after it, but his fat couldn't handle it, and he was already sweating like mad.  
  
Finally, he walked the last few feet to the finish line and collapsed.  
  
"So, what do you say now, Boromir?" Faramir asked.  
  
"We-we-we're n-n-n-not d-d-done," Boromir said panting.  
  
"I-I-I s-s-s-say that w-w-we do an archery contest!"  
  
Faramir laughed, "Fine, have it your way, but you can't even do it! You're arm's so fat that it blocks your aim!"  
  
Faramir started rolling on the ground, laughing.  
  
Boromir snorted and walked away.  
  
They were in the archery ranges.  
  
Faramir with his long bow, and Boromir with his compound, since that was the easiest of all bows.  
  
"You first," Boromir said, still a little tired from the horse race.  
  
Faramir grabbed an arrow from his quiver and fit it to the nocking point.  
  
After aiming, he released, but Boromir pushed him.  
  
"CHEATER!" Faramir yelled.  
  
He started hitting Boromir's head with his bow.  
  
After they fought on for a while, Faramir looked at the target, and his arrow had almost gotten a bulls eye.  
  
"HA! You may have been a cheater, but I'm still the better archer," Faramir said.  
  
"We'll see about that," Boromir grumbled.  
  
He took aim, but, as usual, his fat arm was in the way.  
  
Boromir took off his arm guard and released the arrow, not knowing where he aimed at.  
  
He put down his bow and looked for his arrow, but it was no where to be seen, until he heard a distant OW!!  
  
Boromir and Faramir both ran to the sound, and they found Denethor screaming in pain.  
  
"WHICH ONE OF YOU DID THIS? AHHHH! THE PAIN!"  
  
They looked at Denethor's bottom and saw an arrow pierced through it.  
  
Faramir started laughing like crazy.  
  
"What were you doing down here anyways?" Faramir asked Denethor.  
  
"Legolas and I were trying to find a nearby hot spring," Denethor said haughtily.  
  
"Looks like you found an arrow instead," Faramir said laughing his head off.  
  
Denethor was carried up to the castle in an emergency wagon.  
  
"So, I'll be taking that wrapper."  
  
Faramir grabbed the wrapper from Boromir's hand and skipped away merrily with it. 


End file.
